Author: uillith

girlwithlandscape:

Janelle Monáe Stars in “Noir Town,” Directed by Jordan Peele Photos | W Magazine

“I wanted to create a Hitchcock moment that doesn’t really exist in a Hitchcock film,” explained Jordan Peele, the 39-year-old writer and director of Get Out, which has been widely acclaimed as one of the best movies of 2017. Peele, who was standing on the fourth floor of the abandoned Palace movie theater in downtown Los Angeles, had constructed a scenario that paid homage to the mystery and intrigue of Hitchcock masterpieces like Vertigo and Psycho. Just as Get Out is Peele’s subverted and original take on unsettling classics like Rosemary’s Baby and The Stepford Wives, “Noir Town” replaces Hitchcock’s uniformly white protagonists with a woman of color.

Bratty Ways I Make Jordan Suffer (updated as necessary)

takeitlikeagoodgirl:

  • Randomly and incessantly drop “but I still love you, doe [though]” into conversation. Get cranky if he reciprocates the line. (2/18/18)
  • Makes a joke about me giving his cock CPR, forgetting I’d absolutely do it. *proceed to give his dick certified infant CPR*
  • Come up with this silly thing where you have to touch rub his butt before he gets out of the car, do your whisper-scream thing if he doesn’t let you. Eventually realize someone witnesses one of these rituals, whisper-screams and all. 
  • Refer to his dick as a “wiener” so much that you start slipping and referring to your own non-wiener genitals as wieners. Both during and outside of sex.
  • Frequently tell him “I’m gonna fucking kill you,” “Don’t fuckin’ talk to me!” and various, elaborately-detailed murder plans in the sweetest, littlest voice you can muster.
  • Try to breastfeed from his nipples at a frequency that causes his anxiety any time my hands are near his chest. Vice-grip his nipples when he resists in fear/laughter and say things like “I have to prep the teats!” or “I need milky!” and he fails to get me to buy that his laughter is just a “nervous laugh.”
  • Find out he’s irked by the term “hot meal” and tell him you’ll use it during sex.
  • Wait until you’re on top of him during sex and start moaning in his ear about how you can’t wait to get a hot meal after this in the big-girl seductive voice you can only do when you’re being silly.
  • Squeeze his penis while simultaneously making fart noises to the tune of Three Blind Mice or Jingle Bells (bonus: I barely know any of the words to three blind mice.) (9/21/15)
  • Decide that ding-a-ling is the funniest term for his penis and only call it that. Best done during dirty talk. Will eventually drop ‘ding-a-ling’ when he’s close to coming during sex.
  • Tell him that there’s a lump in his pants and I have to make it into ‘mashed ‘tatoes’ while making a mock fist-mashing motion over his groin. General mashed tatoes roleplay/lumpy vs. smooth mashed potatoes, telling him I wanted mashed tatoes, etc. 
  • Grab and squish his butt during hugs incessantly pretty much all the time. If my mother didn’t know how weird I am, she probably would have been freaked out when I did it around family at Easter and didn’t realize she could see. Instead she just sort of laughed. Oops?
  • Wind up to smack his bum every chance it’s put in front of me. He now knows to either RUN (really amusingly) away from me or cover his butt every time. Gave him a really nice  hand print once. I was very proud of myself. (Did I mention I’m the only masochist in this relationship?) 

3-holes-2-tits:

Correct application of a blindfold

If you look closely you will see it is one of these blindfolds that has a triangular hole for the nose, which means it won’t ride up or down easily. This also means it can be pulled tighter over the eyes to really seal out the light and deny any under-the-edge peeking.

It is also applied first, so it goes under the gag harness, which means two things. First it is worn longer, because the gag must be removed first. And second it is more secure and very hard to rub out of place.

Sadly these blindfolds are rarely lockable, but it would be easy to do a version with a buckle. A buckle which takes a lock!

dom-plays-with-dolls:

I love how he’s treating her in that first gif.

While he’s teasing the tip of his cock right on the inside of her ass like that, he’s got her pussy hooked on his two fingers. Just the way she’s biting her lips abd rolling her eyes to the back of her head and moanig out loud in spite of (or because she’s?) being handled like a literal piece of meat is so damn hot.