Because they would rather be in a fucked up relationship than be alone. Because they have a talent for making bad decisions. Because hearing everyone who cares about them tell them it’s a bad relationship brings out their stubborn streak and makes them dig in their heels and push back on those people (that was my mom when it came to my old man). Because “she loves him.” Here’s a hard truth, one that’s not only applicable to D/s relationships, but to any relationship:
Love is not enough.
Hey, please factor in that most people in an abusive relationship believe, or have been made to believe by their abuser, that the abuser is the best that they deserve. If not more than they deserve.
I stayed with my abusive ex husband for 5+ years longer than I should have, because he made me believe that I was worthless and no one else would want me.
It takes an abuse victim an average of 6 attempts to leave before they finally do it successfully.
“Would rather be in a fucked up relationship than be alone” is a much harsher way to put this. Please remember that emotional abuse is manipulation, and it changes who you believe you are, how you love yourself, and what you believe you deserve.
Help this friend find perspective, if you can. They need to learn that they deserve better, and learn how to love themselves more.
I agree with @instructor144 on this. Often times the only thing keeping someone in an abusive relationship is the fear that leaving and being by themselves could be worse than the abuse. My mom stuck it out for 18 years with my father. The first 12 years it was emotional and mental abuse with a few slaps or punches here and there. Then 3 years of him beating her on a regular basis. Then 3 years of him beating my sister and I as well. I was 8 when she was finally brave enough to leave. To this day if you ask her why she stayed she’ll tell you “I was afraid of being a divorcee and single mother and i knew people would talk about me.”
Author: uillith
Hello, I give off independent female vibes and so are all of my friends. But deep in my soul I am very submissive (I live with my dom) and lately I have a little pb, I guess? My friends wanted to go out and drink and without hesitation I called my dom to aks the permission to go to clubs (I always ask permission) and he said «you are old enough to decide» and that made me really sad cause I felt like he didn’t care, I needed his approval on this. I know I am capable but still! Am I being silly?
You’re not being silly. You offered him and “opportunity to lead” and he dropped the ball. He should have been all over that, with either “Permission granted” or “permission denied.” And if he gave permission, he should have really stepped up and given you a drink maximum and a time to be home.
Take that chance to lead. If we’re asking, we want guidance, even if it’s something that seems trivial.
I think of it like this… You know how you D types notice and file away stuff about us? Well, us S types do it too, but not necessarily in the same way do it, so know that we notice and file away these such things, among others.
Men: Your Consent Matters Too
Fellas, listen.
You don’t have to do anything sexual that you’re not interested in. Moreover, you don’t have to explain why. “No” is a complete sentence.
Not interested in getting pegged? You don’t have to.
Monogamous and not into the idea of another partner? Okay.
Not sure about period sex? Cool.And if your partner decides to question or mock your maturity or your masculinity or your sexuality because you say no? It’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. See if you don’t deserve better than that.
Boost
BOOST MORE!!!
THIS TOO!
Uie's Cage 