A few things, absolutely. The first thing I recommend is to reframe your thinking, if necessary; think of Fetlife as a place to learn – not a place to meet people, particularly men. As much as it tries, it is not a dating site. I’ve met partners on there, and there’s a decent chance you could too, but if you go in thinking (or hoping) you’ll meet someone, you enter with that filter and it can cause issues. Here are the things I look out for on Fetlife (YMMV):
- If someone greets me with any sort of pet name, even ‘beautiful,’ they’re dead to me. It’s creepy and presumptuous.
- If someone expects me to address them as ‘Sir’ (or ‘Master’ LOLZ), they can think again. That’s the epitome of faux domliness.
- If someone comments in a rude or sexual manner on my pictures, they’re history. There’s a huge difference between ‘Lovely’ and ‘I wanna bury my c*ck in that!’
- If someone sends a message that details what they’re into sexually, or what they want to do to me, they’re blocked.
- If someone gets sexual, period, before they attempt to get to know me as a person, I know with 100% certainty they’re only looking to get laid. And they’re gone.
- Be discerning with who you ‘friend’ on there, especially if you have private pictures. If someone is so inclined, they can follow you; you don’t have to be ‘friends’ with everyone. If your declining a friend request hurts someone feelings, oh well.
- That said, be careful of anyone who wants to mentor you or serve as a ‘protector.’ Chances are very good they couldn’t protect themselves from a sunburn… but they feel equipped to take care of a new girl online? Please.
- Look for leaders, not necessarily those with a large following. There are some predatory assholes with large followings, but it’s very difficult to lead a local community unless you have a decent reputation. Look for munch and workshop leaders who are active, and read what they write; Does it resonate with you? Does it lead to discussion and allow for dissenting views? Do they encourage participation and learning? Those are the people you want to learn from, but even then it’s important to use common sense and listen to your gut.
- Read people’s profiles and respect their wishes. Expect the same. If they send you a message and it’s clear they didn’t read your profile, they’re telling you “I don’t care what you have to say. My wants and needs are more important than yours, and it’s only going to get worse from here on out.”
Regarding men (or whomever you’re into), flirting is fun and can lead to good things, but think of Fetlife as a bar or a party at a friend’s house. If some guy came up to you and said you have gorgeous tits or started stroking your arm or said, ‘Hello, I am ‘Sir’ and you need to address me as such from this day forward,’ you’d knee them in the balls and walk away. (Or maybe that’s just me.) Point is, if someone’s behavior online is shoddy, their behavior in person will only be worse. Also keep in mind that real dominance (yup, I went there) isn’t loud. It isn’t forceful. It isn’t even demanding. Real dominance is subtle and inspiring. Expect respect and nothing short of it. Keep firm boundaries and beware anyone who pushes up against them. Respectful people worth knowing won’t do that.
☝️☝️☝️
Month: November 2018
Predator alert
Just so eeeverybody knows
Without having any contact with me AT ALL prior to this, daniel-comedian-blog just pm’d me a spiral and a full induction with post-hypnotic suggestions to message him, to “come back to me with open suggestions” and to send him a picture of myself.
I told him no, absolutely not, screw you. And he said “I’m just trying, you have to be open to it”.
I wasn’t going to post anything publically, but that last line…geesh. Have screen caps to prove.
So, do with that information what you will. Be safe kids.
Aaaaaannnnnnddddd that’s why I hardly have any hypno stuff on the blog anymore.
Is a healthy relationship possible with an emotionally unavailable man? He’s self aware of this issue and tries to open up, but it seems to be a 2 step forward, 3 step back process. I know he has a very rough past with abusive parents. He asks me to wait for him, that he’ll get there. I love him and want to wait. But I’m afraid I’ll spend my whole life waiting.
Is he currently in therapy? He needs to be.
I’m here as a testament that it IS possible, but only if he’s truly working toward it.
@comicbookj82 used to be a complete stone fortress. He had (has?) a lot of difficulty being openly emotional and connecting on an emotional level. We’ve been together 13 years, and I’d say that in the last year or two is when I really feel his walls have been coming down (maybe coincidence that this is when we started living a 24/7 d/s lifestyle instead of a vanilla one—now he’s able to be 100% himself with me).
We have had times in our 13 years that I was almost certain we weren’t going to make it. But here we are, making it.
when i say “unfollow me if you support trump” im not saying it ironically. no, seriously, if you support trump then i dont want your disgraceful ass to be in any way associated with my blog. get out.
Most of the time, I ignore people like this. But from his comment, I had to speak my mind. This isn’t my first post of Scruff screenshots, but this is for all the subs to see that you can and should stand up for yourselves. If you want to know who emulates proper dominant ideals, then look at the blogs of @sir-erik, @temptingdominance, @betabreeder, and especially at @mrkristoferweston.
These four men that I’ve mentioned have earned the respect that they have garnered by being people full of compassion, who see their submissives as people, and not as objects.
This approach is fundamentally broken.
If you’re a Dom, that doesn’t make you dominant over all submissives. If you’re a sub, that doesn’t make you submissive to all Doms. Actually being compatible in kinks and interests and temperament is important.
I encourage you all to call out Doms and subs who behave obnoxiously. Who push their preferences and tastes onto others without actually establishing anything. Wanting to be called Sir or slave is cool. But it can be grating and rude to arrive with these demands and a grocery list of instructions.
Just say hello and say what you’re about. Take it from there.
Uie's Cage 