Full Spectrum

instructor144:

@asubmissiveview, my friend and colleague at @the-faculty, and I had a conversation today, stemming from the lexical dichotomy one often sees between “bedroom D/s” and “24/7 D/s.” We agreed that “24/7″ just doesn’t sit right with us because, as odd as it may sound, it is so limiting. It seems to set up a false dichotomy, that would read as follows:

Either you are someone whose D/s is only expressed in the bedroom or you are in a 24/7 D/s relationship.

The unspoken – and, for some bloggers, explicit – assumption underlying this is that anything other than “bedroom D/s” is and must be 24/7, IRL, a “domestic arrangement” with the assumed goal of a life together. Quite a lot of assumptions to pack into a small thing like “24/7″!   I propose the following dichotomy, one that  I think gets at the root of it much better:

Either you are someone whose D/s is only expressed in the bedroom or you are in a “full spectrum” D/s relationship.

This offers two important advantages:

1. It makes explicit that the relationship encompasses the full spectrum of the things we mean when we speak of “D/s”: the ongoing daily contact, the rules and responsibilities, the tasks, protocols, mantras, the ongoing power exchange, and the ongoing commitment by both partners to support the other in becoming the best “them” they can be. It shifts the focus away from the kinky fuckery and onto all those other aspects of D/s. 

2. But – and this is every bit as important as #1 – it does not allude to any particular “shape” to the relationship, the way many of the implications of “24/7″ do. Does it account for 24/7 IRL domestic relationships? Yes. But it also accounts for LDRs and mixed-mode LDR/IRL relationships. It accounts for relationships that are understood by both partners to be time-bound. The only commonality – and the defining characteristic that distinguishes it from “bedroom D/s” – is that it incorporates all of those non-sexual aspects of D/s that are absent from bedroom D/s relationships. The relationship is …. wait for it …. full spectrum.

Anyway, just a bit of random philosophical rambling as the evening winds down. I’d be interested in hearing the thoughts of my Followers, who have proven themselves to be some pretty sharp, incisive people.