At first, the hours of teasing and edging had been unbearable. Hour after hour of being brought to the edge and denied. She had screamed and cried and begged at first, completely certain that this was the worst torture that could be concocted by a human mind. But she had only begun to suffer.
After sharp, cruel edges at the hands of a variety of vibrators, she was subjected to longer, sustained edges. Gentle teases with feathers or tongues that made her pussy weep endlessly. She howled and tried to struggle away from whatever was torturing her as the minutes crept past into hours, but the result was always the same: she would be roughly gagged and strapped down even tighter until there was no way for her to move her hips away from the torture. Nothing she could do but take it.
As the days turned into weeks, she began to lose hope of escape. She’d been snatched out of her own apartment two days into her vacation… for at least twelve days, nobody had even noticed she was missing. Even as the sun rose on her third week as a captive, she was certain that the trail was too cold for anyone to follow. Her desire to escape, while primal and strong, was beginning to wane in the face of obvious hopelessness.
Then came the enforced chastity. Her pussy was locked away in a steel belt and padlocked. Out of reach. She was uncuffed for long periods and left in a small, dark room. This was almost worse than the torments she’d been enduring at the hands of feathers, tongues and vibrators. To be unrestrained, and yet still not free. After a week of this, she was almost delirious with need. Her captor’s response was to come in and gag her before leaving.
The next tortures were far worse for her. She was chained to the wall, her head bolted in place to where she couldn’t even twist it from side to side, and forced to watch other girls being fucked. Some were tied down and forced to cum over and over again. Others were roughly fucked by multiple male partners. Some were simply put in front of her and handed a vibrator. But through all of it, through the dozens of orgasms she witnessed, all she received was a feather dancing on her clit to keep her company.
But this was different. She had been led from her cell and strapped down to a familiar bondage table. Immediately she began to panic, the remaining shreds of her will fighting against her position. Her captor had none of it, bolting her in place and clamping a tight gag through her teeth to stifle her screams of protest. He patted her cheek before moving over to a push cart of implements, returning with a vibrator.
He stuffed it into her cunt without preamble. After six weeks of continuous orgasm denial, she was wet enough not to need one. She moaned like a whore at the intrusion. He didn’t turn it on. She howled into her gag in rage, struggling against her bondage. It did nothing, to him or to her situation. Instead, he patted her cheek and set up another device – this one balanced on a pedestal between her legs. A long probe rested at one end and was aligned with her clit. She watched it warily as he set it up, and then picked up a switch and gave it a push.
The probe jumped forward a few inches, making contact with her swollen clit. Her world exploded with the tingling and crackling of electricity. She screamed bloody murder into the gag, which reduced it to pitiful whimpering. He chuckled and set another apparatus in place, this one looking like a tiny claw which dangled above her clit. When he tested this device, it reached down and gave the sensitive little nub a tweak… a tweak with ice cold metal prongs. The electricity and the ice were torture. She tried to writhe. Tried to escape. But there was no way to move her pussy away from the torture it was experiencing.
Now he turned on the vibrator – all the way to maximum. Her pussy seemed to ignite with sensations, the buzzing almost going right through her. She screamed in a mixture of pain and pleasure as the toy drove her right to the edge of orgasm…
…only for the electrical probe and claw to back her down again.
It was too much. She started begging. Pleading through her gag. She couldn’t take it. Tears coursed down her cheeks as she tossed her head from side to side, desperate for relief. Her captor watched her, saying absolutely nothing. He stood there for ages. For what could have been hours, before he leaned down with cold malice in his eyes.
“Enjoy the next twenty-four hours,” he said. “If you’re not a dripping, sex-starved slut by then… well… I’ll have to start torturing you for real.” Without waiting to see if she understood, or to witness her shocked reaction, he turned on his heel and walked away. With a flick of his fingers, he killed the lights and left her to the mercy of the machines.
Twenty four hours? She would die! It had to have been at least a few. He’d been standing there, watching her suffer, for what had seemed like forever. She tossed her head back and forth… and then she saw it.
Hanging on the wall, the only thing glowing in her dark prison, was a digital timer. As soon as she saw it, she let out a scream which could be heard all the way down the hallway to where her captor stood. For what was printed on the sign made the torture her pussy was enduring worse than anything else. And as her world spiraled away into nothingness, her mind shattering under the constant edging and electrical stimulation, the dim light continued to shine despite her tortured screams and begging.
So you think about turning your Slave Girl into a pet? Or purchase a fully trained Pet? Training and looking after a Pet Girl is a worthy and satisfying endeavour, but there are many pets to choose from. Especially if you plan to make her change into a beast of service permanent, the choice requires a lot of consideration.
Your own needs and desires play into it, as do your slave’s skills and character. Of course, eventually your own needs outweigh your slave’s and you alone can chose which pet you’d like to have at your disposal, but choosing one that fits your slave best will allow an easier training and and more stable conversion. Here are your choices and what to consider:
1. Dog Girl – AKA The Puppy
Dog Girls are naturally obedient and docile. They are easy to train and to use. If your slave already considers you the centre of her life and does everything to please you and get your attention, she will easily slide into being trained as a Puppy.
Keep in mind that Puppy Girls require a high amount of attention and care, more than most other Pet Slaves. A well trained Puppy is highly loyal – she will do everything you order without hesitation and come back to your lap after any punishment you find necessary to inflict on her to beg for your love. Which also means that she will beg for your attention at any time. Puppy Owners don’t get much time off.
You will also need to expect an amount of physical workout for yourself – daily walkies are a must. And be ready to train your Dog Girl to do her businesses outside only.
Being that social, Puppy Girls play well with others and integrate into a pack of slaves better than most other Pet Slaves.
2. Cat Girl – AKA The Kitten
Cat Girls are the Divas among Pets. Does your Slave Girl like to tease you? Fight back when you use her? Do you have scratches after fucking her hard? And most importantly – do you like your slave that way? Then you may want to make yourself a Cat Owner.
But don’t misunderstand – while Cat Girls are those Pets that take themselves most liberties, you are still her Owner. A Kitten needs a firm hand, a strong Master. And unlike a Puppy Girl, a Kitten may take a punishment she deserves personally and not come back to your lap immediately. If you want to use her then, you’ll have to take her.
That doesn’t mean that Kittens are fierce beasts all the time – they can be cuddly and needy at times, but they have their own head.
And unlike Puppies, Cats do not require permanent attention. If you’re happy with not always having your pet at your feet but watch her lick her wounds and groom herself in her basket for a while, this is your pet.
3. Pony Girl – AKA The Mare
Pony Girls’ characters are similar to those of Puppies. They are obedient and easy to handle, but normally more stoic and patient than their canine sisters. A well trained Mare needs little attention when her service is not required – she is aware of her position as a Service Slave first and Pet second.
The defining characteristic of a good Pony Girl is her prowess of physical work. Whether she is used as a Riding Horse, a Coach Horse, a Parade Horse performing tricks or for outdoor labour, a Pony Girl’s duties are more physically demanding than those of any other Pet Girl.
Don’t be deceived though – that does not mean that Horse Slaves need to be big and muscular. The term is Pony Girl for a reason. People are often surprised how well trained petite Mares little more than 5 feet tall can show an enormous stamina and strength – what makes a good Horse Slave is not her physical strength but her will to serve and her motivation. It is her Owner’s task to discover those skills in a slave.
4. Cow Girl – AKA The HuCow
Cow Slaves are often not the smartest slave girls in the stable. They are not prone to physical activities and often not intelligent enough to perform tricks or physical duties. Most cow slaves do have an almost endless amount of patience – or are trained to develop one by their Masters, for their main duty normally requires a lot of standing and doing nothing.
Most Cow Slaves’ main qualifications though are of course their tits. While of course you are free to turn a small titted girl into a Human Cow if you wish, almost all Owners of Cow Girls share a preference for huge natural tits – or udders as they prefer calling them.
If possible lactating ones to harvest the precious milk of their slaves.
5. Pig Girl – aka The Dirty Sow
Pig Slaves come in a variety of characters – like their animal counterparts, they can be highly intelligent or just plain lazy. What connects all Pig Slaves is their – or rather their Owners’ – liking for dirty and messy sex and service. No matter whether you’re an open air guy and like your slave to get dirty in the mud…
…or prefer to stay at home and play with food, piss and cum…
…if you like your slave dirty – literally and metaphorically – train her to squeal for you.
6. Bird Girl – aka The Tweety
Are you happy to just watch your slave for hours and hours? Do the normal duties of a slave seem rather irrelevant to you as long as you have a pretty, decorative slave? Does she enjoy being caged and restricted all day without withering away with boredom? You are probably a bird lover then.
Bird slaves are delicate creatures. They’re normally extraordinarily beautiful but frail. They are pretty much useless for the normal domestic duties of a slave and even fucking them is less hard and rough than with any other species of Pet Slaves. All that applies even more so the longer you keep her in her cage. Keep that in mind – you get yourself a beautiful thing to look at – optimally, she can sing, as well – but for most other things, she’s pretty useless.
If you decide to train a Tweety Slave, don’t forget to let her out of the cage occasionally so she doesn’t weaken too much. And consider hanging a mirror into her cage – Bird Slaves tend to be vain creatures and satisfied to look at themselves for hours when you can’t be around.
7. Bunny Girl aka The Playboy’s Choice
Bunny Girls have reached a certain iconographic quality among Pet Girls and mainstream acceptance due to being popularized by a certain magazine. They’re often only used playful an not in earnest, but of course you can train a true Pet Bunny. Bunny Slaves tend to be as obedient as Puppies, but less energetic. If your slave is timid and shy and requires a lot guidance, but also playful and cuddling, she may be a Bunny beyond the Playboy’s imagination.
Addendum – All the Animal Kingdom to choose from.
And in case you found nothing here to turn your slave into? The animal kingdom is huge and this Guide can only focus on the most common species… If you think your slave is a rare breed, go ahead. Discoverer the Fauna.
She’s even more feral, wild and hard to tame than a Cat? She may be a Wild Cat. Or a Vixen.
She takes her time to heat up but then wraps around her master like never wanting to let him go? She could be a snake or other reptile…
More timid than a bunny rabbit? Set a trap and catch a mouse.
The possibilities are limitless – all that’s important is that the Owner of a pet is happy with her!
Straight dudes are their own worst enemies when it comes to getting laid.
Like, i know so many girls who are down for something more casual and who actually have really low standards that boil down to “treat me like a person, not a talking fleshlight”. And dudes refuse to even meet those standards!
Like, you know how many times I’ve been talking to a guy and I’ve already decided that when we hang out I’d down to mess around, only for the guy to start talking super graphically or send me a picture of his dick–and then literally all desire I had for him went out the windows.
Like dudes are so obsessed with sex that theyre scaring almost-certain sex partners away because they refuse to act like human beings capable of rational thought.
Bring thing this back to add an example:
I started talking to a guy on tinder. He was funny, flirty and super nice even though he wasn’t really my type. Most importantly, he was completely respectful. He managed to let me know he thought I was attractive, and that he was interested in me, without ever saying anything gross, asking for pictures or asking for sex. We met up for drinks and talked for hours and I realized I was more attracted to him than I initially thought . Not only did I sleep with him on the first date, but I’ve hooked up with him multiple times after that. The first time, he didn’t make any assumptions. We hung out, started making out and then he asked me if I wanted to stay the night. That was it. He STILL has never asked me for a nude, or sent me some overtly sexual message or picture.
But SOMEHOOOW I still want to have sex with him.
Conversely, I started talking to another guy on tinder today. On our FIRST conversation, he has mentioned my boobs 3 times, invited me over to “watch a movie” (he added the quotes, not me), suggested a fwb set up and just asked for nudes.
GUESS WHO ISN’T GONNA GET IN MY PANTS.
I try so hard to tell them.
Trash men are out here getting advice from other trash men so they don’t know how to act. 🙄
But… But why are they incapable of learning from bad experience after bad experience?
Because they find it easier to blame the women for it.
Shoulda been more of a warning sign when my ex thought a compliment counted as telling me that I had big boobs, really
I’ve had the boob “compliment” more times that I can remember. The person I am with now is one of the few who never assumed it would be okay to talk that way until I asked him to.
Red means stop. No more negotiation, something has crossed a line (too painful, something bad that wasn’t negotiated, etc.)
Yellow means that you need a break or that something is too much, or that if the top continues then you’re going to “red” soon.
Green means that things are going well and you want to continue if not ramp it up a little.
While a bottom might blurt out red or yellow, I’ve never seen a bottom volunteer “green”. It’s usually said in answer to when a top is checking in to make sure everything is okay. Asking “How are you?” and getting an answer of “fine” or “okay” might mean the bottom is just on autopilot and reflexively answering. Asking “What’s your color?” and getting “green” or “I was very close to yellow when you stopped” is much better.
One of my favorite doms to watch at parties was doing a pre-scene negotiation with someone he hadn’t played with before and said something like “Now, just between you and me here 😉 , my favorite color is yellow. It’s not about taking anything I can dish out. I promise you, I can always go harder. I want to know how you’re doing. I’ll likely yellow you, on purpose, a few times, just to find out where your limits are and then aim for a little below that. I don’t want to hear ‘green green green, green green red’ because then the scene’s over. I want some indication of how you’re doing and when you’re getting close to what you can handle, okay?”
And then, whenever she yellowed, he praised her. And why wouldn’t he?? She gave him vital information that allowed the both of them to have more fun!
Nearly two years since I posted it, this post has somehow once again become my “top post”, showing up in my activity feed more than any other post in the past 30 days.
Written by Dhyana of BadKitty Bondage (not on Tumblr) and posted here with her permission. Thanks Dhyana!
Orgasm control can be a beautiful and very fun part of kinky play and D/s dynamics. Despite how much I like it in theory, though, the practice of asking permission to orgasm is exceedingly frustrating for me. Not because “Whaa whaa I’m a whiny bitch I want to come, dammit!” But because actually GETTING permission to orgasm is pretty much my equivalent of a boner-killer.
Here’s why:
Imagine you are a bottom/submissive who LOVES bondage. You are strapped down to a bed/table/whatever and getting your brains fucked out. The sex is amazing. You strain and writhe against your restraints, but you can’t escape and the feeling of immobility is bringing you closer and closer to climax. The harder you fight your restraints to no avail, the more realistic it becomes. The more you push, pull, and squirm, you feel all the more helpless and all the more turned on until you are sweating, shaking, reaching your breaking point. You are going to come. Frantically you ask, “PLEASE!! May I come?!?” At your request, the top/Dom unfastens all of your restraints and says, “Come.”
But now you can’t.
Your orgasm has just been murdered by kindness.
Why? Because the bondage and wrestling with the restraints WAS the turn on. It was the reason you wanted to come in the first place. Now it’s gone and you are expected to have an orgasm anyway.
Yeah…probably not going to happen.
I use this analogy because I think we often forget that mental or psychological bondage IS bondage, simply because it is less tangible than rope, straps, or handcuffs. Just like the physical restraint is the turn on, the mental restraint is the turn on.
You don’t want to wait for the cuffs to come off to have an orgasm. You want to orgasm while struggling against them and feeling their full effect!
For me, the practice of orgasm control is another type of mental bondage which is a HUGE turn on. The more I fight it, the more I try NOT to come, the more turned on I get and closer I get to climaxing. Add to that being explicitly told not to come, and my libido is raging and about to crash through the roof. As soon as I have permission to come, the psychological bondage ends and the metaphorical restraints are removed. Now there is nothing to struggle against and my budding orgasm crawls into a hole and dies.
So how do we fix this?
Well if you’re either lazy or excessively cruel, you simply keep going about your business as usual and torture your bottoms with generosity by giving them permission to orgasm.
OR
My preferred option – use mental predicament!
You are free to come when you want, but the consequences of coming are [blah blah insert painful, horrible, disgusting things]…
The stronger the motivation to NOT orgasm, the stronger the mental bondage, the more epic the orgasm becomes when you finally break. How badly do you want it? Are you willing to take a caning for it? Bleed for it? Take it in the ass? Let three strange men come on your face for it?
For me personally, I want to not want to come. I want to break down slowly and pathetically until I finally give in to my body in one crying, anguished mess – reveling in the moment of release and ecstasy and then resigning myself to the consequences.
To me this is a win-win. The top/Dom gets to exert their control by choosing the consequences and watching their partner wrestle with their decision while breaking down into a crying, pathetic mess of sexual need. Meanwhile the bottom/subby gets to enjoy their orgasm while in the throes of mental anguish and restraint.
Disclaimer: This was originally written for my husband to understand what orgasm denial is, and all the things he needed to know to participate in my own denial. Thus it’s written for a man, from a woman. I’ll try to cover some things for you men out there looking to try denial, but I’m less versed in male denial practices.
I decided to write this out Tumblr because when I began my first denial, I spent a lot of time trying to find all “the pieces”. I wished I had found just one single post that explained everything to me. It might exist, but I never found it.
Some of you may read parts of this and think “well that’s not true for me”. That’s ok, no two people are the same, so why should we all experience denial in the same way! Write your own experiences in the comments!
What is Orgasm Denial?
Orgasm denial is exactly what it sounds like: when a person is denied an orgasm. They could be denied release for a few hours, days, weeks, months, years, or forever.
It is different from just not having orgasms due to lack of sex or masturbation. Usually an orgasm is desired by the person, but it is not granted. It can be a self-imposed denial, or a person can be denied by a partner. Often orgasm denial is coupled with some stimulation, whether mental or physical, to keep the denied person aroused and wanting more. There has to be a desire to orgasm on some level, or in some cases the desire to not orgasm has to be stronger than the desire to orgasm.
How Long Does Orgasm Denial Last?
There are a number of different answers here, but ultimately it boils down to however long the denied person can physically or mentally last, or however long the partner in charge chooses. Like stated above, it can last hours, days, weeks, months, etc… As long as the person is kept aroused, and has proper motivation and interest, they they will probably be happy to keep going. The denial is broken when the denied person has an orgasm.
Some are given an “orgasm date”, in which case they know how long they will be denied and have a goal to work towards. It can also be a good tease, to remind the denied person that they can’t orgasm for X amount of days. Others might not have that O-date in place, and so will take it one day at a time until they are allowed to orgasm or make themselves orgasm.
There are some people who cannot go longer than a few days without having negative effects (loss of concentration, fatigue, loss of sleep, negative thoughts), and there are some people who can go hundreds of days strong. There is no wrong way to participate in an orgasm denial period. Find your comfort zone, and work within that. Don’t compare yourself or your days with others.
What is Edging?
Edging is being brought to the very precipice of orgasm and then stopping all stimulation before you orgasm. This is usually physical stimulation, but can be mental for some. Basically, if you can reach orgasm from something, you can edge with it (fingers, toys, cock, etc). The point though, is to stop yourself from actually having the orgasm.
To edge multiple times, there should be a break between each edge to allow the body to calm down before bringing it back up to the next edge. The amount of time between each edge will vary from person to person. I’ve seen 60 seconds, and I’ve seen “until you cool down”. Find what works for you. Or one can continuously edge by reaching the edge and holding it up there without going over and cumming and without lessening the arousal/edge. This can be really difficult, and can increase the chance of having an accidental orgasm.
For physical edging, there is soft edging and hard edging:
Soft Edging: at the first teeny tiny little wave of what you think might be an orgasm starting, remove all stimulation.
Hard Edging: stimulating beyond that teeny tiny feeling until you are the slightest moment before an orgasm, when even one more rub will send you over, and then remove all stimulation.
I suppose with the exception of no-touch denials, then to stay properly denied and remain motivated, one must edge probably once a day at the least. I have found that 3 edges a day is the minimum to keep it on my mind throughout the day, although when I first began, it seemed like a lot. A fun thing to do, once you want more edges, is to earn them through tasks either self-imposed or given to you by a partner.
There is also mental-edging, which is just a way to say keeping ones mind horny, and so it will keep your body horny. So looking at porn, reading erotic novels, listening to people orgasm, writing erotic stories, etc. All without touching yourself or being touched.
What is No Touch?
No Touch is exactly what it sounds like: you are not allowed to touch yourself in any way that brings you pleasure. There are varying degrees of no touch, usually decided by a partner, but can be self-imposed. It could be just not being allowed to touch internally, or not allowed to touch externally. Maybe not being allowed to touch your genitals at all, but nipple play might be a-ok. It could also be no touching at all, nothing that brings you pleasure, including things like pressing your thighs together, humping something, or pressing on your full bladder.
Why do no touch? This can be used as a punishment, or as a way to make you more horny and desperate to touch. During no touch, the denied person should be given instructions to keep their mind sexually stimulated through mental edging, so as to not lose interest in the denial. Not being able to touch can make you think about it more, make you even more aroused and desperate. It can also help you appreciate the touching of an actual edge more.
No touch can be done for a single day here and there, or a couple hours, or even as long as a week or two. But extended no touch is difficult to sustain. The interest decreases without the regular stimulation of edging.
If you have a partner, and you are practicing no touch, you should talk beforehand about how it will affect your physical relationship. Will you be free from touch 100%, so neither your partner nor you will touch you? Or will your partner be given free rein of your body, while you can not touch yourself at all? Both could be fun, but remember that if your partner doesn’t get to touch you, you should work extra hard to please them and make sure they are physically satisfied!
Chastity
I don’t have any personal experience with being in chastity, but it is something both men and women could try while practicing denial. For men, it would be wearing a chastity cage. For women it would be a chastity belt. Even while in chastity, there can be varying levels of physical stimulation.
I’ll leave it to other readers to repost with information on chastity, or add something to the comments.
Ideas for Edging/Mental Edging
These are going to be written for women, because I’m just not very well versed in the ways of male edging. Guys, please chime in (repost with your ideas, or add them in the comments).
Hands
Standard fingers on clit or internally (vaginal or anal)
Tapping on your clit with your fingertip
Rubbing yourself over your panties
Bladder pressing
Toys
Vibrators
Dildos
Anal Plugs
Whatever your favorite toy is
Objects
Humping pillows, etc.
Fucking anything around that house that’s safely insertable (safely meaning it won’t damage anything internally, you won’t mess up your pH, and you won’t get an infection. Put a condom on it if it’s something like a vegetable. Just be smart… when in doubt, don’t do it, or research more.)
Using the showerhead
Under the bath faucet
Using a moist paintbrush on your clit/nipples
Edging with toothpaste on your clit (fair warning this will be mildly painful. For those who like a lot of pain, try something like tiger balm or bengay.)
Edge with numbing cream like oraljel or Dermoplast spray (this might not technically count, because you’ll be too numb to feel anything. Also, warning, Demoplast stings when first applied.)
Assisted Edging (this is a partner edging you)
Tongue or Fingers
Vibrator
Cock (assuming your partner is a man)
Bluetooth vibrator like the we-vibe sync for ldr couples, or couples who want to try this in public/while one is at work.
Mental Edging
Watching Porn
Watching other women/men orgasm
Listening to an erotic audio book (Check out Cherise Sinclair’s series Masters of the Shadowlands – I literally listened to these books for almost a full calendar year while in my car. Great commutes home!!)
Read an erotic novel, or erotica online
Writing your own sexy story
Ask your Tumblr friends to tease you and turn you on!
Sexting
Pleasure your partner without receiving any stimulation yourself
Location
Change the location of where the denied person is allowed to edge (floor, bed, couch, chair, shower)
Only allowed to edge while standing
Can not edge on any furniture
In public: changing rooms, bathroom stalls, in your car (be careful here, you don’t want to get arrested or make anyone else feel uncomfortable)
Duration
__ Minutes to try to do as many edges (with cool down between so its not just one continuous edge)
As long as the denied person wants
1 hour of continuous edging (even if you hit the edge, you must find a way to not stop touching without going over)
Send an image of yourself to your partner and they will determine if you need more minutes/edges.
Edge the entirety of a song/album/tv show/movie
What is a Ruined Orgasm?
And What Will It Do?
A ruined orgasm is when you stop all stimulation at the very onset of an orgasm, and in some cases possibly before, and then just letting the body carry the orgasm forward. The orgasm will happen, but without stimulation there will be no satisfaction. So whether you’re using toys, hands, fingers, etc, when you know that orgasm is just starting or about to start, pull away everything! And let the orgasm happen without touching yourself.
Men and women will experience a ruined orgasm differently in how it is expressed. A man’s ruined orgasm will not spurt cum, it will just sort of dribble out. A woman’s ruined orgasm will look like pulsing, because her muscles will still be contracting in an orgasm, but nothing will be there for it to grab onto.
There will be a period afterwards where arousal will be even greater than usual following a ruined orgasm because all that pent up energy you’ve accumulated prior to the ruin will remain. Many will feel themselves in an even more heightened state, often feeling quite sensitive in many areas of the body. It can leave you feeling more desperate for a full satisfying orgasm. Some may use ruined orgasms as treats/rewards, which can seem strange but when you are being denied/edged for so long, a ruined orgasm is still a type or orgasm!
I’m not sure what would happen if you ruined every time, or very often. I’d be interested to read anyone’s thoughts on this.
One thing I’ve read a lot and experienced is a type of guilt or feelings of failure when you have an unintentional ruin. Perhaps it was just meant to be an edge, but you went a smidge too far and it turned into an orgasm. Accidents happen! And those new to denial should remember that you are just that, new! You need to learn your body, and where your limits are. You need to learn where the edge is. And the edge might be somewhere different depending on what you use. I have found that I can get very very close to orgasm before pulling away when using fingers, but that I have to back off much sooner when humping things like a pillow. Find your own way, and don’t be upset if you accidentally ruin while getting there. It’s just one more learning experience.
If you accidentally ruin, there are a few things you could do. If you have a partner that you are accountable to, you must tell them and they may punish you if they see fit/it was agreed upon ahead of time. If you are doing denial solo, you might consider a few days of no touch. At the very least, do not touch for the rest of that day. Some might find the spike of arousal as punishment enough (seriously, it’s like having fire in my veins. I can’t sit still, and I can’t relax).
What To Do When You Actually Orgasm (A Real, Fulfilled Orgasm!)
I don’t think I have to go into how to give yourself/someone else an orgasm, that’s all up to you and how you want to play. These were a couple ideas I gave my husband, since we are already sure of how to give me an orgasm, so I wanted him to know how to give a denied girl a better experience.
Definitely tease the denied person to make them anticipate it. Depending on what kind of teasing they like, it could be “Yay, you get to orgasm in 30 days! It’ll be here before you know it!”; or something more cruel like “I can’t believe it’s going to be 30 whole days before you can orgasm. That’s such a long time, how will you ever make it?” See what I did there?
Make the denied person work for their orgasm! When it’s O time, don’t just go straight for it. Edge yourself/them a few times first, make them earn it.
If you have a partner that is denied, make them beg you not to orgasm. Yeah, you heard me. You know they’re going to have an orgasm, and they know they’re going to have an orgasm. But knowing it’s O-day and having to beg you not to let you orgasm is such a mind-fuck. It makes you wonder if they changed their mind… To make it worse/more realistic, have them beg not to orgasm while you edge them, and when they hit the edge, stop stimulation and say “well that was going to be your orgasm but you begged so convincingly!” – but in the end, definitely give them their damn orgasm!
When the real orgasm happens, make it explosive. Draw it out. Even try multiple orgasms as this point because why not? It’s back to denial the next day.
What Denial Does to the Body
I wrote a post about what Denial was doing to my body after only a few short days, so I won’t write it all here. I can’t speak about what men experience, but for me, my responsiveness is heightened. My nipples and skin feel so sensitive, that even my shirt brushing against my nipples would feel like too much. Don’t even get me started on the feeling of the shirt on me after I take my bra off… I’m also wet all the time, or easily made wet. It does things to the mind too, such as it tends to make me want more intense porn.
The best part: I feel a million times sexier. WIN.
Things That Make Orgasm Denial Fun!
Verbal Teasing
Reminding the denied person that they cannot orgasm.
Telling them how desperate and greedy they are.
Giving the denied person tasks to do – especially tasks that can earn more edges! (These tasks can be anything from doing chores, or sexual favors for your partner; or for those who are doing it solo, give yourself extra edges for doing something you were afraid to do, or for being on time every day this week. Get creative!)
Changing duration/location of edging, or changing how one edges.
Having no touch periods to make you appreciate edging!
Making your partner or yourself ruin orgasms
Write about how you feel, either in private or here on Tumblr. Or if you have a partner, having the denied person talk about how they feel directly.
Play denial games with friends, or get a denial buddy to do it with
Tickling or Massages are a great way to be physical with your partner without touching/edging.
Physically please your partner while you remained denied/untouched
What I Like About Denial
What I like about it is that it’s all about the pleasure building up and lingering, not about the release. I know now that for me, the pleasure leading up to the orgasm is way better than the actual orgasm. But even knowing this, I still crave and want the orgasm so badly. I am sometimes so horny I can’t even sit still, think, or focus. Those are fun times. You think you’ll never get through this bout of arousal, and curse denial, but then look back fondly at those moments.
Denial makes me want to try new things, sexually, too, which is always great.
I like that it keeps me physically “ready” (read: wet). I like that I feel horny and desperate all the time. It makes me feel very attentive to my husband, more than usual, and more aware of his hands and affections. Even the smallest touches have me at attention. I want to always please him, physically, emotionally. When I’m not focused on my orgasm, I am free to be more focused on his and our shared experience. In short, denial has made me a better wife, submissive, and woman. (note: this is just my personal experience, I’m not making generalizations about everyone)
Safety & Consent
There are a number of safety issues that come to mind when I think of Orgasm Denial, which one might not immediately think of:
Mental health is the primary concern when I think about orgasm denial. This is no surprise but we are all different and everyone will react differently to denial. Pay attention to how you feel on a daily basis, emotionally as well as physically. If you begin to feel any negative effects, perhaps take a break. Negative effects could manifest as feelings of sadness/depression, anger, wanting to distance oneself from a partner or the world, sudden crying, loss of sleep/appetite, extreme fatigue… Anything that seems out of the ordinary for you. If your partner is the denied person, you must pay attention to their mental health too.
Realize that you are not in a clear and lucid state of mind when you are edging, or when you are aroused at all. You may have a lack of concentration or alertness. Be careful driving, walking, or even making decisions in your life. Your judgement can be impaired just as if you were drunk.
Ladies, edging a lot with things you are inserting into your vagina could lead to infection if you are not careful. Be sure to clean your toys between each use, and wash your hands before you insert fingers.
Be so careful with items you choose to insert inside yourself. I’m not going to play dumb and pretend that people aren’t sticking random things in their vaginas/asses. So if/when you do this, be safe. Think about how much bacteria could be on food items, or even pesticides! And you want to put it in your body? Or even household items. Wash it, and use a condom on it, and be damn sure there’s nothing sharp that will pierce your delicate skin.
Minor one, but I found that constantly rubbing my clit hard, or humping things, caused me to feel almost like I was bruised there. Take breaks if this happens, just treat your parts kindly.
Don’t give into the temptation to edge for-fucking-ever. Edging/denial will keep sex on your mind a lot more than before (for many). Don’t forget to go live your life. Don’t miss school/work, don’t skip events, don’t skip meals/showers. If you see yourself doing these things, maybe take a break.
Stay hydrated! Seriously… you’ll thank me later.
As with any part of sex/BDSM: Consent is mandatory.
So when you and your partner consent and agree to enter into a period of orgasm denial, understand that the denied person, when very aroused, is extremely vulnerable. And since denial is an extended practice (more than just one “scene”) then the person can be in and out of these extreme states of arousal many times in a single day. Your role as their partner who has consented to be a part of the experience, is to ensure their safety in all ways. Ensure that they are not making important decisions when aroused, check in on their mental status frequently, and be sure that they are caring for their body.
Resources
Friends, please repost and tag denial practitioner’s blogs. For now, here are the couple of names that I know:
So many good things in here, and beautifully written as well as being very practical.
Just a couple of points I’d add/tweak. I love the definition of mental edging, but just be aware this simply doesn’t work for some, while for others it can be ALL they need. It really varies.
Tying this with no touch, generally speaking there’s a big difference in impact on genders, women tend to need more physical edging to keep them horny and enjoying it, as noted the author found three edges a day was her sweetspot. Men, while they love edging, tend to continue to stay horny and attentive for longer periods, which is why a cock cage can work so well. Just don’t think you can ignore the person being edged, whatever sex they are, as that is always a mood killer.
Also my definition of edges is a bit different. I tend to use ‘an edge’ just as a much nicer word than ‘masturbation’. So to me an edge is any single session of touching yourself, no matter if you get to the edge of orgasm or not or how many times you got there. This is important because people’s experience of edging can really vary, some are very comfortable ‘riding the edge’ keeping just at the point of tipping over, others find they can ‘bounce’ up to the edge and back again and keep that going, others can only slowly reach the edge and then have to stop.
Defining an edge just as a session of doing this, however you enjoy it, just levels the playing field for everyone. The number of times you hit that edge is far less important than the fact you’re taking a few times out a day to do it. So for me, ‘three edges a day’ simply means three different times you have a go at it – even if you don’t get to THE edge at all!
And so that’s where hard edges and soft edges come in. A hard edge is specifically getting to that point of no return but not slipping over into orgasm just as described. But a soft edge, well it’s ANY masturbation that doesn’t get you to that point.
In my experience, while it doesn’t feel as good, soft edges are pretty much just as effective in keeping you horny and happy and denied as hard edges over time. So if I tell someone to do three edges a day, it’s absolutely fine if one or two of them are just ‘quickies’ rubbing themselves so it feels nice, even for just a few minutes. Although having at least one longer session where you do a ‘hard edge’ is great, often in bed last thing. That’s a good way to manage denial not taking over your life. If all you do is hard edges you can get very obsessed with it, fast. It’s good to mix it up.
But this is the other side of soft edges – they are super useful for those who struggle not to go over into orgasm. And they are also a good punishment for those who have. To be put on ‘soft edges only’ means you are never allowed to take yourself so close you can go over by accident. You can only rub slowly, or not use a vibe, for instance. It’s surprisingly evil.
Uie's Cage 