babydollbelongstodaddy:

Pretty pleeeeeeease, with a cherry on top? (Babydoll’s guide to begging: 15 tips to take you from nervous to “nailed it!”)

Begging is my jam, and I’ve had subby friends ask me for pointers from time to time. It’s something lots of Doms find hot, and something lots of subs struggle with. …but, that needn’t be the case. The art of begging is easy to learn!

Why is it sexy? Because it underscores the power dynamic, it can set the scene for humiliation play, and it lets the recipient know just how much you long for whatever it is you’re asking for so desperately.

Why is it practical? Pretty much anybody can work their way up to doing it. I have serious physical limitations due to severe chronic illness, but no matter what fun new curveballs my body decides to throw into the mix, begging is still in my subby tool kit, even if kneeling, performing oral, or receiving impact play might not be at that moment. You can enjoy begging from a long distance or with your Dom pinning you down. Even in-person dynamics can be spiced up with this fun new addition left on voicemails or used during surreptitious phone calls, not just during playtime. And it’s budget-friendly, as it costs nothing except your dignity.

What can make it difficult? Other than a lack of trust/Doms not creating a safe space, which is a much larger issue that needs to be addressed first, I tend to hear about the same subby hangups again and again when it comes to begging. Subs feel too self-conscious or can’t get out of their heads. They have no idea what to say or how to say it. They’re shy. Not to worry—I gotchoo.

Here are some strategies to combat those problems:

•Allow yourself to be desperate. Desperation is key. Begging is all about losing that carefully composed exterior and surrendering to your base desires and the Dom who may just be willing to grant them if you ask prettily enough. …and, by prettily enough, I mean desperately enough. Plan to bring your a-game with those puppy dog eyes, whimpers, and any other sounds or body language that signal pure need. You’re here to trade dignity in for fruition of your desires today.

•Let yourself squirm and writhe. You know how, when you really want something, you just can’t sit still because you’re thinking about it and only it, and you’re imagining how good it will feel? Get lost in how much you want what you’re asking for and let your bottom wriggle from side-to-side or grasp your hands earnestly.

•Strike “want” from your vocabulary. You know how, because of the hierarchy of needs in D/s, there’s so much importance placed upon a sub being able to tell between wants and needs? Not here. Your mind and that pulsing heat between your legs might be screaming “want,” but when you’re begging, you say you need everything you’re asking for.

•Remember your manners. This isn’t the time to drop the honorifics and the pleases and thank-you’s. Not only will they make it more likely to achieve your goal, but since the hotness of begging is heavily rooted in the power dynamic, these auditory reminders that you are fully aware of who’s in charge won’t go unnoticed.

•Elongate your vowels. Whining—in moderation—isn’t always a bad thing. “Daddy, I need you to spank me, please,” should become, “Daaaaaaddy, I neeeeeed you to spank meeeeeee, pleeeeeease.”

•When in doubt, stick to short phrases. “Mommy, please, more?” is simple and succinct, yet it communicates what you’re after in a respectful way that can easily sound desperate if said in a soft, lilting tone, a smol, unsure voice, or a needy, husky one.

•Ask for what you want, and describe how you want it, and how much. “Sir, pleeeeeease may I suck your cock? I just reeeeeeeeeally need to feeeeeeeeel you on my tongue right now. Oh, pleeeeeease, Sir?” Yeah, I doubt he’s going to be turning you down easily.

•Use your body to communicate your desperation—don’t rely solely on your words. Everything from pressing up against your Dom to grinding on their thigh can help you get your point across. Nuzzling your face or placing your hands on the part of their body you’re begging to service will communicate your longing. You can even incorporate this into begging within the context of a LDR by burying your face in one of their shirts and inhaling deeply in a photo or in cam, or describing it, or wearing the shirt. Say how much you need to feel their body on yours… how much you miss skin on skin, heated flesh against heated flesh.

•Describe how your body feels in the throes of desire, or how it would feel if your Dom granted your request. “Madam, I deeeeespeeately neeeed to suck your fingers. They’re so daaaaainty and eeeeeeelegant and they feel so soft and suuuuuuuupple against my warm, wet tongue. Please, may I liiiiiick and kiiiiss your hand?” You just painted an image, and if she’s even a little bit into it, that beautiful begging makes it much more likely to net what you’re after.

•Repeat yourself. You know how it gets you all worked up when your Dom tells you how in charge they are and how much they own you? You never get tired of hearing that, right? Well, it’s the same thing for them and hearing you beg. You can turn into their personal pull-string doll with about four phrases in a repeating loop, and if you’re varying your tone, volume, and inflection, I guarantee your Dom isn’t sitting there keeping mental tabs on the fact that you’re recycling words. Nope: they’re far too busy feeling Domly and probably turned on a f.

•If you’re really nervous or shy, try begging around something in your mouth (thumb if you’re a Little, fingers, breast, cock). Sucking or licking something can be comforting and calming, and it can also distort your words enough that they don’t quite cut through your consciousness and snap you back to reality in the same way. Enunciation isn’t nearly as important as desperation.

•Similarly, either making or purposely avoiding eye contact can work well when begging, if in person. Making eye contact creates a more direct connection and can make your pleas more powerful, but a downcast gaze (or eyes hidden behind fingers if you’re a Little), or your face pressed into your Dom’s chest in embarrassment can also add another layer of emphasis to the power dynamic, which only helps when begging. It isn’t bad to be flustered, because begging is all about wanting something so much that it has you in a tizzy.

•Practice alone. If you’re feeling nervous or self-conscious, try your begging schtick without an audience. Instead of worrying about your Dom’s reaction, you can get comfortable saying the words that might be embarrassing and practice sounding desperate and needy. It’s okay if it takes a few false starts here: there’s nobody standing around impatiently with a paddle while you work up your courage.

•Ask for help. If begging is one of your Dom’s kinks and you’re really struggling with it, it isn’t out of line to say, “Please, Mistress, I know how much you enjoy begging and I want to do that for you. I’ve been working on it, but I’ve been struggling with figuring out what to say. Is there any way you could prompt me to repeat the phrases you want to hear during begging scenes, at least until I get more confident about it?” Asking for help and bringing your Dom the leash are never bad ideas.

•Learn by example. If you still have absolutely no idea where to begin, check out https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildaudio/ . It’s a friendly forum where people post audio porn clips, and begging is common tag, so it should be easy to find some good examples—just look for posts with lots of upvotes and positive feedback. Video/visual porn isn’t going to be as helpful for this as it’s staged mostly for the visuals, and how things SOUND are often awkward, but that doesn’t matter because people like how they LOOK. With written erotica, you’ll get no guidance about tone, volume, and inflection. If you’re struggling with imagining how begging would fit into your persona, you can search for a similar one on GWA and then take notes. Listen on a loop until you have the main points down. The members of the GWA community tend to be friendly and supportive. They’d probably be thrilled to learn that their posts helped even one sub go from begging amateur to begging afficionado.

These ideas should help get you started, but try to think of them more like a menu and less a checklist, as not all of them will appeal to every Dom. Try them out and gauge according to the reaction you get from each one. Begging is like everything else in D/s: one-size-fits-all doesn’t apply.

instructor144:

analytickle-lezdom-in-space:

sincardinality:

instructor144:

Followers, help out here!

The only name that springs to mind off the top of my head is @analytickle-lezdom-in-space, but I have a feeling she has the ability to suggest more. Whether she has the spoons remains to be seen.

Sometimes my brain forgets spoon theory and comments like this throw me. Here, have some Sapphic/lesbian/bi/pan domme pages off the top of my head:

@softdommequeen

@gfdladysass

@mistresssonjablue

@sassyredphox

@qualiakiss

@lauryn-order

@sasskarian

And then I’m sure I have some more following me so any dommes who wanna get in on this, feel free to share this post and/or shoot something @instructor144’s way

For yesterday’s Anon.

instructor144:

submissive-seeking:

thefoxof86:

instructor144:

It was her fault. She’s the “responsible adult” in the room; as such, it’s her responsibility to read the signs and shut it down when you’re too far gone to do it yourself. I just reposted “Shutting Down a Scene” that deals with this.

Something else to consider, Shades, is she is a Domme. While she was the responsible adult and I agree with @instructor144’s comments above, let me add some food for thought.

It sounds like she is wallowing in guilt. Yeah, she probably could have seen warning signs earlier and shut that scene down in time. But she didn’t. And I’m sure that is weighing on her mind.

Some, I can’t speak for all, of us on the D/ side of things cherish our submissives and deeply internalize how their welfare progresses due to our actions. For example, if I were to safeword out of a scene on behalf of my submissive I would feel terrible. Even if no harm was done. The fact remains that I let it go off the rails enough that the scene had to be shut down. I risked harm to my partner by negligence, inattention, recklessness, etc. In your case it sounds like real injury was the result.

Her temporary disengagement from her tasks as a Domme likely stem from this headspace of guilt. Don’t shy away from asking for a meta talk to point out these things. I hope your injuries heal quickly.

Dear Shades,

I’m sorry you got hurt.

Your Domme may need a few things like better lighting to observe diaphoresis, flushing, etc. (If she needs reading glasses, probably time to see to better lighting.) All signs of an endorphin dump. That’s when it’s time for her to get extra vigilant about testing your level of awareness. If a pain rating scale for say a solid cane strike on thighs is an 8 and suddenly she repeats it and you’re down to like a 4 or 5, time to back off and reasses. If we’re talking ropes, etc., then that nifty pinwheel can be used to test reflexes and responses to make sure nerve conduction and circulation are still within safe limits.

I agree that it his her responsibility. She’s the “designated driver.” You’re the sloppy drunk.

All that being said, WTF with panties????

Meta talk and remind her that screwing up on one thing is NOT carte blanche to fuck up in every other area.

Feel free to show this to your Domme:

“Listen sister … We subby souls count on our Dominants. Guess what? You fucked up. We ALL fuck up. Welcome to the human race, happy to have you in the family. It’s time to pull it together. You can beat yourself up on your own time. But right now, your precious sub is on Tumblr looking for help. Seriously, get the fuck up and pick that sub some God damned panties! You have a responsibility to lead. And your submissive needs to be lead more now than ever. All you are currently teaching is that failure equals abandonment. Is that what you want to teach a sub? To fear failure? Well then, get the fuck up, pick up the leash and show this sub how to deal with failure. You’re a Dominant who made a mistake. Don’t compound it with more mistakes. You’ll both regret it. Now, deep breath, pull up your Badass Domme panties andpick up that leash and lead!”

And THAT children is why I identify as an “alpha” submissive.

Damn. Every Dom/me on the planet needs to read and memorize the “Listen sister” paragraph. Including me.