so, my feminism is, above all, about choice. that is obviously leaving aside the basic definition of it that i agree with, which is equal rights and opportunities for women, the same afforded to men.
my blog is, among other things, about power exchange and communication, and safe, sane bdsm practices with a consenting, trusted partner. who would really f-ing likely also be a feminist. i would never play with anyone who wasn’t.
my blog also deals a lot in fantasy, a lot of which you aren’t going to like, such as consensual non-consent (rape play), and degradation and humiliation play. i’ve just talked about this so if you feel like it, you can read about it here.
lastly, i don’t judge or condone or claim to define or understand the reasons why anyone else of legal age does in their private lives or their bedrooms or their sex lives, so i’ll thank you for not doing that to my feminism or my bdsm. your an anon and i’m not in the habit of putting a lot of energy into discourse with people hiding behind a grey, bespectacled no-face. if you ever wanted to discuss anything privately off anon, i’d be willing to consider that.
i do appreciate the question, but i’m getting pretty tired of answering this one and variations of it. this blog is mostly an outlet for me to enjoy myself with like-minded people. if you don’t agree with my lifestyle or my blog, you don’t have to read or follow it.
cheers,
dani
Hope you don’t mind if I interject, @danipup, but anon here is missing something else entirely.
Anon is assuming that the submissive in every D/s relationship is female.
Anon is assuming everyone in BDSM is only either dominant or submissive.
Anon, you have to realize that, while it’s perplexing how someone could differentiate between personal taste (the choice to personally engage in BDSM) and betterment for the whole of society (feminism), they have much more in common than you seem to think.
For most people that I’ve spoken to, submission is power.
In a scene, I may be the one giving orders, slapping someone’s face, or degrading them, but they are the one who truly holds all the power. When that safe word gets pulled out, I’m stopping on a dime.
Now, indulge me for a moment: could you imagine a world where that happened in every day life? A man starts assaulting a woman in the park and she yells out a safe word and he just stops? A woman is hitting her boyfriend because he dropped the groceries and the bread is ruined and he safe words and she just halts, then and there?
Let’s get back on track from that lovely thought.
You say “
BDSM is, by definition, engaging in the kind of power dynamic that has traditionally kept women subservient.
“ However, let’s loop back up to the top of my response and go over it again:
A submissive is not always a woman. A submissive is not always 100% submissive.
The difference between BDSM and feminism is that feminism is a guiding ideology to better society for people of all walks of life; black people, women, latinx, Mexicans, LGBT+, and, yes, even white people (not that many of them seem to recognize it).
BDSM is the choices of the individuals involved. It is two or more people engaging in erotic, out-of-the-norm activities that they find sexually stimulating when practiced with consent and with others who share that sense of attraction to the activity.
Some could even argue that they go hand in hand. BDSM is about communication, honesty and respect. Feminism is about equality, equity, and respect. In my experience, kinksters make better feminists than vanilla feminists.
There are more people of color, queer, trans, gay, pan, ace, polya, etc. in this community than anywhere else I’ve been and they’re more welcome in this community than anywhere else I’ve been.
BDSM is safest, most diverse, and most equal community I’ve ever experienced and I firmly believe that it’s because feminism is, contrary to your beliefs, anon, at the roots of BDSM.
Holy wow @an-angry-wolf. Way to give me ALL the feels.
Red means stop. No more negotiation, something has crossed a line (too painful, something bad that wasn’t negotiated, etc.)
Yellow means that you need a break or that something is too much, or that if the top continues then you’re going to “red” soon.
Green means that things are going well and you want to continue if not ramp it up a little.
While a bottom might blurt out red or yellow, I’ve never seen a bottom volunteer “green”. It’s usually said in answer to when a top is checking in to make sure everything is okay. Asking “How are you?” and getting an answer of “fine” or “okay” might mean the bottom is just on autopilot and reflexively answering. Asking “What’s your color?” and getting “green” or “I was very close to yellow when you stopped” is much better.
One of my favorite doms to watch at parties was doing a pre-scene negotiation with someone he hadn’t played with before and said something like “Now, just between you and me here 😉 , my favorite color is yellow. It’s not about taking anything I can dish out. I promise you, I can always go harder. I want to know how you’re doing. I’ll likely yellow you, on purpose, a few times, just to find out where your limits are and then aim for a little below that. I don’t want to hear ‘green green green, green green red’ because then the scene’s over. I want some indication of how you’re doing and when you’re getting close to what you can handle, okay?”
And then, whenever she yellowed, he praised her. And why wouldn’t he?? She gave him vital information that allowed the both of them to have more fun!
Nearly two years since I posted it, this post has somehow once again become my “top post”, showing up in my activity feed more than any other post in the past 30 days.
They
press down on your hips, further immobilizing you, wishing to add to the
torture as much as they can; every cry of need adds to their joy, yet they never
respond, their silence making you suffer even more.
Every
time it presses to your clitoris, every muscle tenses, yet we know just how
to keep you right on the edge of orgasm and hold it there.
Kept on
the edge for so long, you’d do anything in the world to stop it; they had made
sure you were helpless to do anything but endure it. Trapped at the point where
every second felt like an hour.
When the
wands pulled away, it was like dying; you want to cum so bad it hurts. The way
they held your hips from rocking with need made the agony so much worse.
Your
body is coated in sweat, breathing so hard and fast as we ceaselessly continue our
merciless torment.
Yet
again the vibrations drill into your very being, coursing through every fabric
of pleasure. Like an inferno inside, it builds in seconds as usual, so much
denial turning into an orgasmic time bomb…
I’ve always been a submissive, and when I look back at my life I see signs for as far back as I can remember. It wasn’t until my late twenties that I started to label those feelings and desires. I had been living for years as a bottom, only in the bedroom, and realized what it was I had been missing for so long.
I started searching for the missing piece, finally believing I wasn’t just broken. I started seeking dominance that existed past the bedroom’s threshold.
I found that many men were eager to offer their assistance. I showed them the gap inside me, and they filled it with brashness, and demands. They offered poor imitations of the real thing, and I was so desperate that I accepted, and called it dominance.
I knew even then that it wasn’t quite what I needed, but something is better than nothing, right? …Right?
I felt like I couldn’t go without it anymore. Now that I knew there was something missing, I couldn’t leave this empty space inside myself… and so I settled.
Men used me, and I let them. I have to own my part in this journey, because I allowed myself to accept less. We accept what we think we deserve, and I let myself believe that’s all there was, and it was all I was worth.
I see quite often, on posts I write, and posts from others, notes that say ‘’does this even exist,” and to those asking themselves this very question… yes, it exists.
Out there are real dominants. Ones who understand patience, and who know that what you need is more important than what they want. Don’t be like me, chasing the shiny things, and risk missing the the real thing.
Being a black girl in the BDSM/kink community has been difficult. I truly feel, metaphorically and literally, like the “black sheep” in a lot of crowds. To be honest, it took me awhile to be a part of the community. Whenever kinky images or literature were presented to me, it always contained white people. It made me feel like wanting to be tied up, wanting to have a Daddy dom, wanting to crawl on the floor like a dog, were all “white people shit”.
This, on top of my own struggles of having PTSD and DID, and being chronically disabled, and being genderfluid, and being queer??? It’s definitely not hard to feel like this community was not made to accommodate someone like me.
However, over the last few years, after being a part of a kink group on my college campus, and meeting other kinky PoC (although very few in number, I might add), I felt more open to exposing myself to this community. Because at the end of the day, these kinks and fetishes that I have are mine. There’s power in my submission. There’s strength in my desire to be broken down. BDSM and kink has opened a lot of new avenues for me to express myself as a hypersexual individual, and to embrace the parts of me that may not be considered acceptable by society.
Shit, being black, queer, trans, and disabled are all things looked down on by society. I’d might as well enjoy my sexuality and my melanin.
So, that coin toss task seemed to be pretty mean to most of you.
Hurrah!
Let’s see if fate’s any kinder with this game, this time you need dice. If you don’t have one just google ‘Online dice’ for a digital version.
Every time you want to edge you have to roll the dice:
Rub your clit
Fuck yourself (fingers or dildo)
Humping only
Rub or vibe your clit
Breasts only
Yes, that’s only five. For each of the above you roll the dice again, and that’s the number of minutes you get to do it for. You can keep on rolling and playing that way, a new task with a new number of minutes. Until you roll a six.
When you roll a six, you roll again, but this time it’s to determine what forfeit you get:
Clamp your nipples (use clamps or pegs) and scroll through tumblr without touching for ten minutes
30 pussy smacks with the palm of your hand, each ones should be firmer than the last
10 snaps (stretch an elastic band between finger and thumb, pull it back and let it go against your skin – if you don’t have a band, just flick with your finger) on each nipple, then ten to each labia, then ten to your clit
Send your favourite fantasy to me as an ask to share on the blog
Lose your panties for the rest of the day. Roll 5 again later and you’re to stuff them in you.
Roll again, but playing ‘anal only’ – treat your asshole as though it were your clit and pussy – it ends after three rounds or when you roll another 6
Once you complete your forfeit you can start over whenever you want.
Don’t forget to let us know how you’re getting on. If you’re writing a denial journal I haven’t reposted, message me to let me know!
I’ve decided I want to wait a week. That’s pretty unprecedented. I don’t exactly remember my longest denial period but I don’t believe I’ve made it past 72 hours before. This is the morning of day 4.
Firstly, I didn’t expect ruins to feel so good. When I edge and then stop my clit just throbs for the longest time. It’s so distracting. I actually had a sneaky hard-edge before bed last night together with another girl on here and the only reason I managed to ignore my clit and fall asleep is because I wore myself out running around the house squelching yesterday. But a ruin is so different. I feel all fuzzy but my clit stops throbbing and I can feel that deep, internal ache coming back faster and more intensely every time. In the space of three days I have become completely addicted to those sensations.
Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, is the fact that this community has been so welcoming and supportive! I had no idea it was so much easier to deny or ruin when there’s a girl with some over-lubrication problems of her own telling you to do it.
So a week it is. There, I’ve said it! No going back now. I’m allowing myself 2 ruins a day still although I might not use all of those if I’m feeling particularly cruel. We’ll see.
She simply couldn’t find the self control not masturbate and cum. She complained that it was the only way she could focus. That if she didn’t cum she got so aroused she began to lose her mind. The court ruled in her parent’s favour. She’d be put into the clinic and have to wear a strait jacket to prevent her masturbating. Perhaps after a few weeks it’d break the habit. Sadly it didn’t, she got so desperate she learnt to remove the strait jacket by dislocating one of her shoulder and sliding it up and over. The anal hook accessory soon put an end to that little trick.
DO NOT message a woman with a kink opposite yours and try to cajole her into switching to your kink.
For instance, if you are into dommes, don’t repeatedly pester a woman who’s been VERY clear about enjoying being sexually submissive with messages about how she should be into dominating men. It’s fucking rude and it’s not going to work.
Here’s a better idea: go find a domme who will give you a time of day, invest the time and effort to develop a mutually satisfying relationship with her and enjoy whatever you’re into to your little heart’s content.
Also, just because a woman is sexually submissive in specific circumstances, does not mean she’s going to tolerate your bullshit.
Uie's Cage 